Avoid These 14 Common Divorce Mistakes
Every divorce is different, but the reality is there are some recurring issues that arise in most cases. We have compiled a list of some of the most common divorce mistakes to avoid. Use these mistakes to help you make the best decisions during the process.
Common Divorce Mistakes You Must Avoid
1. DIVORCE MISAKE: UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
Clients anticipate that their lives will change after divorce, but they often underestimate just how much things are going to need to adjust. Once you have separated from your spouse, your finances will often look drastically different than they did prior to the divorce. It is important to plan ahead for your new reality. One of the best ways to do so is to be upfront and honest with your attorney on your current and future financial needs and expectations. This allows your attorney to give more informed advice and guidance about support payments, marital debt obligations, new insurance costs, potential child support, and more. While divorce brings about the end of one chapter in someone’s life, it is also an opportunity to make positive financial changes to ensure a brighter future.
2. DIVORCE MISAKE: NOT FOLLOWING ORDERS
Whether you are hoping you can resolve your issues without legal guidance or trying to simply avoid the reality of the situation, it can be a costly mistake. One such way it can negatively affect you is when it comes to court orders. During the divorce process, there may be times that you are legally required to act – or not act – in accordance with court orders. Clients that intentionally disregard court orders are still responsible for their failure to comply, and their credibility in the proceedings can be damaged as a result. We do not have divorce cases heard by juries in California. In San Diego, your case will often have every hearing up through trial heard by the same judge. Disobey their orders and they will not take that lightly. It’s always best to review court orders with your attorney to make sure you grasp the terms and potential consequences for not following them..
3. DIVORCE MISAKE: ARGUING WITH THE JUDGE
Disagreeing with court orders or the actions of your spouse is a common occurrence during divorce. However, it’s very important that you allow your attorney to take the lead during when in court addressing a judge. Judges can take great offense to client’s that are outspoken and even disrespectful. Defer to the judgment of your attorney and follow the appropriate legal channels to get an order modified or rescinded. You do not want to find yourself in contempt of court. An experienced attorney is there to speak on your behalf, and their experience and training allow them to do so in a way that is meant to be respectful and persuasive.
4. DIVORCE MISAKE: FOLLOWING EMOTIONS INSTEAD OF LOGIC
Divorce is an emotionally and mentally challenging time. It can be painful, stressful, frustrating, and overall a very intense experience. Making life-altering decisions is always a difficult process, but your state of mind may not be best suited to facing the number of decisions that will be required. We have all written and sent that quick text, e-mail or made a social media post out of pure emotion that we later come to regret. Do your best to analyze all the relevant and available information in a calm, logical manner when you are determining what steps to take. You may be tempted to fight for things you don’t actually need or really even want. This can prolong your case, which will only contribute to additional emotional and financial costs that were not necessary. An experienced attorney, along with good counseling from a therapist can help lead to more rational decisions that lead to better long-term outcomes.
5. DIVORCE MISAKE: HIDING MARITAL ASSETS
The number one thing you should always do is be as upfront and honest as possible with your attorney. Do not ever try to hide any information from the courts. California law has a policy of disclosure to your spouse in these matters and penalizes those who intentionally do not follow that policy. Follow the explicit and personalized advice from your attorney regarding how candid you should be on these matters. Unfortunately, it’s all too common for a spouse to attempt to take advantage and hide assets or otherwise lie during a divorce. This can lead to potential charges of fraud and monetary sanctions, as well as other financial and legal consequences.
6. DIVORCE MISAKE: LACK OF FINANCIAL KNOWLEDGE
Not every couple handles their finances the same way. Some couples have separate bank accounts, joint accounts, separate and shared assets, shared credit cards, separate credit cards, and all manner of division of financial responsibility. Often one spouse has controlled the financial matters throughout a marriage. It is important to have an attorney who understands financial matters, as much as legal matters. The attorneys at Annis & Vercollone have the financial acumen to assist and advocate for those spouses who may have been, through no fault of their own, “in the dark” throughout their marriage with regard to the marital finances.
7. DIVORCE MISAKE: WIELDING CHILDREN AS WEAPONS
No one wants to go through a divorce. It’s generally a last resort that is chosen when all other methods have been unsuccessful. Divorcing can be particularly hard on children, and divorce cases involving children need to be handled all the more delicately. Parents should never attempt to restrict visiting time or enact unfair custody arrangements simply out of spite for their ex-spouse. Always put the physical, financial, mental, and emotional needs of your child or children first.
8. DIVORCE MISAKE: BAD MOUTHING YOUR EX
It can be very tempting to bad mouth your ex. Often times, married couples have shared friend groups, and a divorce can bring out a person’s ugly side. As hard as it is, try your best to avoid speaking ill of your soon to be ex to shared friends, colleagues, and family members. If you need an outlet to vent your thoughts and feelings, there are many alternative resources that can be beneficial without possibly alienating those people who want to support you.
9. DIVORCE MISAKE: HIRING THE WRONG ATTORNEY
Not all attorneys are created equal. When it comes to divorce, you need expert divorce or family law attorneys. You wouldn’t ask an Allergist to perform open heart surgery. You should not ask, for example, a personal injury or criminal defense attorney with little-to-no family law experience to handle your divorce. Be sure that the attorney you choose has the experience needed to guide you and protect your interests throughout this process without it becoming more complex than it needs to be.
10. DIVORCE MISAKE: NOT HIRING YOUR OWN ATTORNEY
Do not take advice from your spouse regarding your divorce. It’s an unfortunately common thing for a spouse to try to convince their soon to be ex to “simplify” the process by not using attorneys. The sad reality is that your spouse no longer has your best interests in mind, and many people have been taken advantage of in scenarios like this. We have often seen situations where one spouse tries to convince the other spouse that it will cost too much to hire an attorney…you need to ask: Do I want to risk possibly lose even more financially by trusting my soon-to-be ex rather than have a consultation with an experienced divorce attorney?
11. DIVORCE MISAKE: NOT GETTING IT IN WRITING
Itis a good idea to work things out between you and your spouse as peacefully as possible. However, be wary of verbal agreements – there have been cases where one spouse fails to reciprocate their end of a bargain, and you can end up with nothing because you failed to document the terms of the agreement. If it’s not written down, it doesn’t count.
12. DIVORCE MISAKE: NOT UPDATING SHARED ACCOUNTS
Although it is often overlooked in the immediate aftermath of deciding to move forward with a divorce, one very important step in the process is to think of all your shared accounts, insurance policies and such. Try to think of everything – even a shared Netflix account will likely no longer be used by each of you as the divorce proceeds. Discuss the particulars with your attorney on how and when to alter or remove your spouse’s access to these items.
13. DIVORCE MISAKE: SETTLING TOO SOON
Be hesitant to accept any quickly initial offers from your spouse before you have even had a chance to review your assets, debts, income and expenses. Chances are they may be hoping you will take a significantly lower amount of assets than that to which you are entitled. As you need to plan for a new life and new financial structure, you may come to regret not taking your time to really determine what you will need for your future.
14. DIVORCE MISAKE: NOT HAVING A POST-DIVORCE PLAN
The first steps of the divorce process are uniquely difficult. You’re on the first step of a long and arduous journey, and you may be overwhelmed by how many decisions you’re about to face. It can be hard to think of the particulars in such an emotional and stressful time, but the reality is that two households are costlier than one. The amount of money you’re about to need to support your new household is likely going to increase. Your divorce settlement is going to be in place for the rest of your life, so it’s vital to anticipate your financial goals and develop realistic and actionable expectations.
Now that you have reviewed some of the avoidable problems and pitfalls of divorce, hopefully you feel more prepared to take the necessary steps to retain control of your life in this tumultuous time. As always, if you’re in need of more specific advice on how to handle the details of your divorce, book your free divorce consultation today, and we’ll move forward together.